Summer Time And The Living Is Easy LOL

Not at all, what! says you! Sure 'tis snowing to beat the band outside. What a terrible cold day, lol! Myself and Eileen were in all day, didn't get a thing done. Had a great laugh over all the money being found in those IRA members houses - sure didn't we know it was them all along. Bad bastards. And Gerry Adams sure isn't he the king of them all. He's the Skeletor and I'm the He-Man! And ye all wonder why I make such a fuss over those brats. They'd rob the eye out of your head, so they would, then sell it back to you laced with heroin.

Tonight is going to be SOOO cool. All the lads are coming round because I got a set of Buffy dvds and we're going to watch them all and eat loads of junk food. That Buffy can slay me anytime lol! Only joking sure she'd cut the head off me lol! And so would Eileen if she knew how much I fancy that young Buffy lol!

Anyway have to go now and make the microwave popcorn it won't make itself lol!

The Day of Love LOL

This heart is a message of love, for one day only, to all of the Catholics who read my blog.


Only joking lol you'll all probably rot in hell!

The sermon went well yesterday, I suppose, but my thighs are chafed from the demon costumes, and I've been walking bow legged all day with Sudocrem on the sores lol. No fun for me and Eileen tonight lol.

Double Trouble LOL

MY GOD. If there is one thing that I detest, it's shopping. We scoured the streets of bonny Belfast lol looking for a pair of decent trousers. We finally got some solid grey ones in Marks and Spencers, but unfortunately there was an embarrassing incident in the changing room where I accidentally ripped the first pair I tried on. Not sure what to do, I stuffed the torn pair into my rucksack. Then, of course, there was an unfortunate beeping as I left. The security guard approached me suspiciously, but as soon as he saw who I was, he backed off. Good idea too, lol. Me and Eileen legged it.

The day wasn't all doom and gloom though. I got a new poster for my bedroom wall.



Also, when Eileen wasn't watching, I got a deck of cards with girls in bikinis on them and I can't wait to show them to the lads at work, especially Jeffrey. I'll need to keep them well hidden from Eileen, as she's not as liberal as I am.

I spent all of today preparing my sermon for Sunday. The basic jist of it will be that Catholics are demons in disguise. I've employed a local woman called Betty to rig up some costumes for the illustrations. Betty's really into her demons (she's been at two exorcisms) so they should be pretty close to the real deal. I'm going to wear the costumes myself: I'm not so conservative that I'm above that lol.

I guess that's it. I really should have an old pray about the sermon but I think I'll go look at those cards for a while and then watch Shrek 2 until I fall asleep lol. I can smell rice pudding or something so I guess Eileen's making a treat - YES! Saturday nights are so cool.

Love,

Ian P

Stupid Pope LOL

Dear Diary,

Here are some lovely anagrams of my name, The Reverend Ian Paisley, lol.

1. He repeats inane devilry.
   
2. I, rather insanely peeved.
   
3. He lead intensive prayer (sounds a bit Jamaican lol).
   
4. Ah, repent, ye! Rise and live!

Cool or what.

Today I read the pope's blog and it's sooo pathetic. "Oh I'm so glad to be out of hospital!" Pansy. I always enjoyed a spell in hospital. Good for the soul! Trust him to not want to go into hospital.

I didn't do much other work than that. That proposterous blog entry got me all riled up so I went looking for a journalist to talk to about the papal conspiracy, but had no luck. All the journalists must be sick of me lol. So I went round to Peter Robinson's house for a few hours but there was nothing on the telly except Spongebob Squarepants and it was in the "Irish language" so that was no good. Peter took out his Connect 4 and me and him played that for ages. I won of course lol. Then I went home for tea and Eileen had made my favourite - canned spaghetti on toast - so I was well chuffed.

Tomorrow I'm going shopping for new trousers. Eileen's making me. What's a man to do lol.

The Uk Rules LOL

Well hello there and welcome to my new "blog" lol. I hope you can understand me as I've been told I have a rather thick Ballymena accent lol.

Well today was just great. I spent the afternoon with Jeffrey Donaldson playing in his back garden with his new Stretch Armstrong. You wouldn't believe how far his arms will stretch!! That's the toy I mean, not Geoffrey lol. Willy McCrea came over later and he had two packets of M'n'Ms with him so we had a bit of a wee fight over who'd get those! I won of course lol I always do.

Then the wife Eileen BATTLEAXE (only joking lol I love you Eileen my flower) made me go for a haircut and I was like och no! I had to endure the evening with little bits of hair stuck to my collar as tonight isn't bath night and rules are rules.

Well that's it for now. Maybe more later when Scrubs is over!

Love

Ian P